Monthly Archives: January 2013
Weekly Grace, #56.
- Kari-cat acting like a kitten at times in spite of chronic renal failure.
- Making room for real furniture.
- Long-needed haircut.
- Successful thrifting.
- Adam Levine on SNL.
I don’t know how I got here.
And it scares me. But not enough to stop heading on this path, but not enough to say it out loud.
There is plenty of stuff going on that could upset me, that could drain me. But I fight fight fight through it, like I always imagined other people did.
I never thought I would get here. Not at 13, or 16, or 21, or 33, or even five months ago.
I’ve had two panic attacks since the end of August. I’ve had bad days since then, too, but not ones that send me into deep dark spirals of depression, as hard as my mind sometimes seems to try to want to crawl back into them.
It doesn’t mean I’m about to toss aside the medication that got me here or that I don’t need the light box. It doesn’t mean I don’t still have work to do or that I won’t keep seeing the spectacular mental health professional. It doesn’t mean I have to be stop being mindful of triggers that would send me back months.
I got here. A mind at peace.
Always working on it.
Woke up every half hour or so from 3:30 AM until the alarm went off at 6:00 AM this morning.
I am THAT excited about my endocrinologist appointment today. I will receive a number, an A1C reading. This time around, I am going into this appointment without any supporting documentation as to why it may be lower or higher than last time around.
While mostly sticking to the lower carbohydrate end of the spectrum and while workouts started again a few weeks ago after a nagging bout with patellar tendonitis, the meter has barely been used since the last appointment in September. It is test strip hoarding at its best, as orders keep getting placed with the mail order pharmacy even without much actual testing being done.
I cannot explain it. I used to be strict about checking blood glucose every morning, and after at least one meal per day. Did I get used to not testing when the supply of test strips was small in between insurance cards last summer? Have I burnt out on it? Does the fact I have yet to disclose at work play a role?
So even if the A1C is lower than last time (and oh, how I hope it is), there is still work to do.
Soon, I head overseas for a long-deserved week away. A regular pattern of checking blood glucose must happen before then, as the travel and walking and delicious European carbs will take a toll on the numbers. Without constant watch, there could easily be some nasty swings in blood sugar.
Of course, there is always work to do with diabetes…
Weekly Grace, #55.
- Unloading some long-held baggage.
- Decorating a cubicle for a co-worker’s 40th birthday with an excellent reaction.
- Gathering with friends on multiple occasions this week.
- (With good beer, good wine, good food, and a new favorite restaurant.)
- Giggle fits with the six-year-old daughter of one of those good friends.
The thyroid thing.
What do you get a hypothyroidism diagnosis for its 8th birthday?
Another Thyroid Awareness Month, I suppose, which covers all thyroid disorders – hyperthyroidism (sometimes diagnosed as Graves’ Disease) and thyroid cancer in addition to hypothyroidism (sometimes diagnosed as Hashimoto’s Disease).
Having written a ton about my experience before, I will let the archives do the talking this year.
Guilt – type 2 diabetes vs autoimmune hypothyroidism. And some more.
Recurrence of symptoms in September 2012.
Weekly Grace, #54.
- Finding humor with co-workers in a less-than-ideal situation after a water main break.
- Getting through what looked to be a rough work week easily and without stress or anxiety.
- BLT with avocado.
- Freshly cleaned teeth by the hygienist.
- Regularly scheduled workouts.
Weekly Grace, #53.
- Going to bed at 10:30pm on New Year’s Eve with no regrets.
- An adorable photo of the twin nieces in tutus with the Chicago skyline in the background.
- Warming trend allowing for lunchtime walks.
- Favorite place for coffee near work being back open after a holiday hiatus.
- Treating myself to a movie (Silver Linings Playbook) and a wander around a bookstore.
Four simple goals for 2013.
Get out more. Going out to lunch on a regular basis with a co-worker, along with hanging out with friends on occasion, and then getting together to watch Bears games with a meetup group all happened in 2012. Still finding a lot of alone time frustrating, so joining another meetup group or two and trying to see friends outside of work at least twice a month is in the plans.
Do more good. Continue online support efforts with the ChronicBabe forums and You Can Do This project after a period of advocacy burnout at the end of 2012. Get out more (!) and do some face-to-face volunteering.
Read more. For such an avid reader, reading 19 books and not being able to quite finish two others in 2012 was kind of ridiculous, especially after 40 in 2011. However, recognizing that life is busier, aiming for 30 this year.
Write more. More blogging? Maybe. More putting pen to paper? Absolutely.