Monthly Archives: February 2013
Doubt and caffeine.
Feb 28
The Bloggess tweeted today:
“Every time something really good happens to me I immediately assume the plummeting downward spiral is right over the horizon.”
Every morning since I got back from London since I wrote this post, I wake up with a sense of dread. A sense of dread that something horrible is about to happen (or worse, it already has, and I have yet to hear about it).
It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I got to this place with an incredible sense of peace, and yet all the familiar doubt starts fucking shit up. Seemingly out of nowhere this afternoon, I noticed the signs of a panic attack on the horizon with the only good reason being that I consumed an unreasonable amount of caffeine before lunch. I noticed the signs, though, and I stopped them in their tracks.
Hoping and hoping that reading the following quote on my commute to work did not trigger something else entirely, that it did not touch me where it hurts, that it was just the caffeine.
“Depression be like a bruise that never goes away. A bruise in your mind. You just got to be careful not to touch where it hurts. It always be there, though.” – The Marriage Plot, Jeffrey Eugenides
Weekly Grace, #60.
- Cats were fine while I was away and showed me how much they missed me upon my return.
- Shaving legs after a week of not doing so. (What can I say, the hotel shower was small?)
- Easiest transition back into work after vacation ever.
- Not needing to take time off work for the inevitable cold that followed travel.
- Weekend snowstorm, no messy commute – just watching the snowflakes fly from the comfort of a warm apartment.
Weekly Grace, #59.
- Love and support from all areas of my life.
- Being able to leave work and most other troubles behind for a week.
- Meeting longtime online friends offline.
- Taking more time out to read than I have in several months.
- Thrilled that I have been able to give myself one of my biggest dreams. (Now to dream something else up for next year?)
Weekly Grace, #58.
- There’s hockey to watch now that football is done another season.
- Fulfilling needs of mid-90′s nostalgia.
- The last time I had to fill the anti-anxiety medication was June, and the only reason I needed to now was to have the name on the bottle match my passport.
- Clam pizza. (It’s better than it might sound.)
- Tights. Lots of them!
Weekly Grace, #57.
- Days are passing quickly.
- Logging 200+ minutes of exercise from Sat-Fri this past week.
- Hockey is back…and so are the Avalanche.
- Breakfast food at lunch with a friend.
- Getting great advice about upcoming trip.
