Unlocking some doors.
Uncontrollably giggling like a teenybopper, about to fall off the couch or pee my pants or something else entirely embarrassing – that’s when I knew. Late Saturday evening (or was it early Sunday morning?) is when I realized I was having excellent fun amongst people I’d only met anywhere from 48 hours to an hour before.
And I didn’t need a drop of alcohol in order to do it.
When I look back at the weekend at BlogHer, there were very few moments where I felt uncomfortable. Thankfully, the moments that were indeed uncomfortable were detected by the women I’ve known from the blogosphere for years, despite only knowing each other in person a brief time. All the social anxiety quickly subsided with their reassurances and kindness.
And I didn’t need a drop of alcohol in order to make it through the weekend.
Memories of making an ass of myself in social situations melted away. Sure, I was still a klutz and still ran my mouth off a little too much, but it came naturally instead of as a result of a drink or two or six – or even better, a nasty hangover.
Now I’m going to share a little secret. Because of this generalized anxiety disorder that I’m finally getting around to dealing with, I haven’t touched alcohol in nearly six months. I don’t know how long it will be before I do again – or if I will at all.
Yeah, I miss a couple of glasses of red wine with a fabulous gourmet dinner and sometimes I just want to come home and have a beer after work. If it means losing my sense of self, however, I’d rather have the diet Coke with a twist of lime.