Don’t make me lose control.

Sometimes I don’t even notice it coming. Something mentioned in a conversation sets my mind in motion. Racing thoughts lead to a racing pulse. From there, one of two things happens. Either panic ensues or utter sadness does. Things seemingly beyond my control make me lose control.

Almost as soon as daylight savings time began last year, I spent two months feeling like this. If yesterday was any indication, I’m up for another round. But what can I do about it, other than complain about morning darkness?

• Keep exercising and eating well. I’ve already begun to restrict carbohydrates again, the intake of which was getting pathetic since going back to work. No wonder I feel like crud if I’m consuming more than 150 a day on a regular basis.
• Even if I’m working out at home, I need to also make time for a 20-minute walk at noon, at the height of the sun’s rays. The psychiatrist said this is important for those of us with seasonal affective disorder, especially with the promise of spring sunlight.
• Don’t even think of weaning off the lightbox until late April. Last year, I stopped in time for our Hawaii vacation, which would be full of natural sunlight. I still had SAD issues for a couple weeks after returning home.  I need to stick to it through the first week of May.
• Plan a weekend getaway to the mountains. No thoughts of work, no thoughts of housework, nothing but writing and spending time with the husband. (And the cats can fend for themselves overnight.)
• Deal with the sources of current anxiety. This is, of course, most important…but also the most difficult to manage.