This fine line we walk along.

Stuck at the same weight for close to six months, with very little fluctuation. 144, morning after morning.

A little above the normal BMI for height (somewhere between 5 foot 3 and 5 foot 4), but not a big deal. BMI might be a load of trash anyways.

Comfortable with it. Really. If I stay the same weight, even with different definition through working out, my clothes still fit and I don’t have to go shopping for new ones. (I hate shopping.)

What matters is the blood sugar control. Really.

So why am I so thrilled about suddenly losing three pounds over the past week? I haven’t changed my exercise routine – that comes this week with level 2 resistance on my elliptical. I ate less for 3-4 days because of the tooth – because when it’s hard work to eat, you lose interest pretty fast. I thought I couldn’t maintain workouts on 300 calories less a day, but apparently I can.

There’s a fine line between the “health at every size” thing and the poor body image thing. I worry about crossing over to the poor body image thing where I obsess over how much I weigh. I’ve been there, done that…much too often in my life.

I go back to the thought that really matters is the blood sugar control. The 7-day average dipped again under 110. Even that Thai food on Saturday night didn’t cause me to spike. I know from experience that as soon as my weight rises above that 144 lb mark, control goes out the window…hence the reason for daily weight checks. But if that is true, could it also be true if I lose only five pounds, I will have even better control? And since blood sugar control is somewhat related to keeping anxiety and depression under control, why not seek that better control?

I’m trying not to obsess. This diabetes thing makes it difficult.