Moving ahead.

Cleaning the old place, turning in the keys, not looking back at the past five months.

The hardest part is over, making the first move to separate lives.

Bright spots happened in the past five months, no doubt. Spending time with local bloggy pals – for lunch on my thirty-fifth birthday in April, a quick dinner and book signing in May, and for a Pho King good time after work one Friday in June. More fun with more bloggy friends in Chicago over the long holiday weekend in July. A new job with much to learn and a pathway to a career that will allow me a little wiggle room in regards to finances. One more nephew to add to Aunt Rachel’s brood.

But the darker spots came much more frequently. More tears, more anger, more regrets. I felt trapped in the situation over which I had little control, in a little apartment with a cat who might have been just as depressed being the only cat around.

This is not exactly what the plans were for 2011 as I finished up that blogging conference in New York City a year ago this week. I missed out on quite a bit, trying to get settled in the new job before taking vacation time and saving money for trips to see family instead of conferences and advocacy opportunities.

Glimmers of hope shine in the window each morning now in the new place, even as the sun rises later and later as the calendar moves ahead towards the time I dread.

A weekend to meet that new nephew and watch my sister get married again will be here before I know it. A local blogging conference after that, with the funniest blogger around speaking at it. Another whirlwind weekend visiting Kansas City to see many of my d-blogger friends as we welcome a member who will be visiting from Australia in October. And when all else fails, there is football to watch and two cats to cuddle.

Beyond that, plans are unfolding, though with caution and the knowledge that all can unravel, all can shatter rather quickly. A rough outline is all I want, all I need.

A balance between all which makes me happy – family, day job, advocacy opportunities, conferences to enhance writing and such – that is all I want, all I need going forward – no matter where I land when separate lives become more concrete.