Choosing a little happy.

I am not an expert in happy.

I know cranky. I know sad. I know dark and twisty.

Don’t get me wrong. I also know laughter, I also know smiles, I also know hugs and kisses.

But I am just not an expert in happy. I can recall memories where I recognized being so very happy and where shit started feeling right, and then it seemed that the happy all evaporated so very quickly.

The past few days, I noticed more than ever how all that negativity affects my body, affects my interactions with others, affects my life. Reintroducing an exercise routine has lifted a mood that was extremely dark and twisty this past winter, and now I notice how down and out I come off to others both on- and off-line.

Realizing that you have spent the vast majority of almost 36 years on the opposite side of happiness could be depressing. Someone might take a look at what my life looks like at the present, what it has looked like the past couple years, and say, no wonder you have been depressed.

The clouds are lifting, and I am choosing to be optimistic, even though life is still unsettled and uncertain. Things are going to get good, things that will bring happiness. I am not afraid to believe it, I am not afraid that things will collapse like they always have.

I do not have to be an expert in happy, but I do need to laugh more, smile more, give and receive more hugs and kisses.

(And when I start feeling like crap and turn pessimistic, I will force myself to read this post over and over until I start to feel the clouds lift again.)