Light and dark.

February can be so cruel with its temptations of light.  Lighter mornings, lighter evenings, as we hustle and bustle to and from work.  Spring is just around the corner, the advertisements tell us, promising the joys of swimsuits and shorts.

And then, HA!  Snow and cold return with a vengeance.

The light box burned out two weeks ago.  I have not replaced it.  I thought I could fight past all the ugly feelings that usually continue well into April.  I believed this year would be different, that my attitude had changed, that depression could never take over my life again.  In spite of all the health issues that linger, in spite of blood sugars all over the place, in spite of more surgery ahead, in spite of my own personal history – I would easily survive this winter.

I was wrong.

February has been cloudy and snowy and cold.   All I want to do is stay inside, curled up in bed eating chocolate, surrounded by felines.

Yeah.  I need to order that light box tonight.

Posted on February 23, 2010, in Family, Seasonal Affective Disorder. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. I’ve been known to foolishly believe that my own demons would not return. Hang in there.

  2. Hon, do you ski? I find exercise to be quite invigorating in winter (then again, I love winter). More than that though, getting outside to ski or hike or xcountry ski really helped me maintain a positive outlook during my chemo which was all during winter and into spring (which is still winter where we live). Just a thought. xo

    • I’m trying to get out and walk at lunch time, but I’m wary of anything too strenuous at this point. And I’m doing some exercise inside, too. This whole blood sugar thing complicates things with emotions and motivation, though.

  3. I’m right there with you. February sucks big time!! The past two February’s, I’ve had some really bad things happen – two years ago we had to put our cat down and last year my husband was mugged walking home from the train station after work. Although we’ve had no travesties this February, the depression is still here. I’ve had enough of cold and gray and snow – onward to Spring!! (Or onward to chocolate in bed with cats . . . )

    • Yeah, there have been rough Februarys in my past. Hibernation until April would be awfully nice.

  4. Scott K. Johnson

    Oh man! Major suckage that your lightbox burned out! Ouch!


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