How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb.

Things I have control over

• The length of my hair.  I cut a bunch off (in layers, even!) on Saturday.  It looks fabulous, if I do say so myself.
• How much I exercise.  I walked 1.5 mile each way from work to the hospital to have the repeat CT scan today.  Between that and the elliptical workouts from this weekend, I’m feeling decent physically and mentally, except for this thing I have no control over.

The thing I have no control over

• Needing another open surgery in a few months.  That cyst should come out, it’s been causing me problems for close to seven years.   Not to mention the radiologist was “very concerned” about the inflamed appendiceal tissue he was still able to see and rushed to contact my GYN about it this afternoon, soon after the repeat CT scan.   I feel like a time bomb is ticking inside me, knowing the radiologist wanted to make sure I was feeling okay.  I haven’t actually spoken to the GYN yet, she only left a message on our answering machine.  More to come in the next few days, I’m sure.

Things currently put on hold because of that ticking time bomb feel

• Just when I was thinking of  going ahead with an idea I had last fall, I don’t think I can do it knowing that I’ll be out of commission again soon.
• Travel.  Our semi-planned road trip to New Orleans is almost certainly out as I can’t spend so much time out of the office – again, knowing I’ll be out of commission again soon.   Plus, I wouldn’t want to end up getting sick and infected again while away from the GYN with whom I’ve built trust.  That would also make a trip to see my family in Wisconsin risky, though not as much.  If something did happen, my brother lives near Madison and there’s good health care there.   And I want to see my twin nieces before they start walking and talking.