Without you…

It has been nearly a year since I last saw you, except for that one brief moment on New Year’s Day where our eyes met as we passed each other.

Memories of dancing with you at weddings and elegant restaurant meals with you seated at the table came rushing back during that quick glance.   With all those good memories came all the bad.  The kissing of strangers, the nights spent together on the bathroom floor, the mornings after.

I know you must have questions for me, wanting to know how I’m doing a few days short of the anniversary of when we parted ways.   I will go ahead and answer the ones I anticipate you asking.

Do I miss you?  Sure, when I went to that wedding without you, I shied away from the dancing that I used to love.  And there are plenty of times when I wish you had been seated at the table next to me as I experienced the best restaurants that Washington, DC and Boulder and Dallas have to offer.

Does that mean I am better off without you?  I learned this year that I can handle social situations without you by my side.  It had been several years since I endured the holidays in your absence and it turns out, I don’t really need you around for those either.

Perhaps someday, we’ll cross paths again.  But I’m not ready to see you again quite yet and I’m sorry to say that is why I gave you the cold shoulder on New Year’s Day.

I hope you understand and don’t hold it against me should we meet once again.


This is a post I will be submitting to Genie‘s Living Out Loud project for February.  The topic?   What role alcohol plays in my life.  Which is none at all.  For now.

Posted on January 27, 2010, in Living Out Loud. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Elizabeth Joy

    Congratulations, Rachel, on this huge victory. I can’t even imagine how much hard work and discipline it must’ve taken, proof of what a strong person you are.

    (And AWESOME writing here! I seriously have tears in my eyes.)

  2. I enjoyed reading your post and I love how you made alcohol into a character.

  3. what a beautiful and honest piece of writing. you’re right, it is like a relationship, a lover, a friend, that needs to be let go in order to grow. wow. if i wasn’t reconsidering breaking it off completely before, I am now.


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