For now.
It’s been a week tonight since we walked into the ER, not knowing how much the pain, how much the illness would end up affecting our lives.
I wish I could say it will just be a memory soon enough. I’ll have the scar. I’ll have the knowledge that my body was so incredibly infected. I’ll remember that my white blood cell count was through the roof and that the doctors couldn’t get my blood pressure up or my fever down prior to surgery. And I know there are still unresolved issues.
Do I have the follow-up CT scan in January to see what is there and what is not? If there’s any sign of an appendix, it may require even more extensive surgery. If there’s any sign of right ovarian tissue, would it be enough to produce monthly hormones?
Because the left ovary still has that dermoid cyst and there would be no guarantee of removing only the cyst itself should that pain return. And then no guarantee of not being thrown into automatic menopause.
I’m trying to stay positive. I’m alive and I have my husband and the cats by my side. I have tons of people – family, friends, internet pals – surrounding me from near and far, wishing me well on recovery. I look at my older niece’s get well card and smile at how she’s growing up to be such a caring individual – and I think of how her older brother continues to excel at everything he does. I look at the videos made of my younger nieces and can’t wait to continue to see them grow.
I will get better – maybe even faster than normal because of what good shape I was in prior to all this shock to my system. I can’t shake the feelings of “what next?”, though. Not until I start feeling better, not until I can take back my household chores, not until I can stop taking the piles of antibiotics and pain pills and iron supplements.
This is normal for now. Excited for the holidays while keeping a watchful eye on my body. Catching up on reading and laughter while minding how much my body can handle right now. Looking forward to 2010 and all its possibilities while keeping those “what nexts?” close at hand.
For now.
Posted on December 11, 2009, in Health. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.
You surely do have a huge loving family of folks out in the OC cheering you along your path of recovery. We’ll be here to support you with whatever you need along the way.
It will take time to recover. Try to be patient, very patient.
Wishing you an uneventful, peaceful recovery!!
You know, surgery affects your body, but it also has deep psychologic impacts as well. Your concerns are real and understandable. However, I think you hit the nail on the head when you wrote: “I can’t shake the feelings of “what next?”, though. Not until I start feeling better, not until I can take back my household chores, not until I can stop taking the piles of antibiotics and pain pills and iron supplements”. For a time you have to adjust to new normal, but that will soon morph back into the “old normal”.