Monthly Archives: March 2006

Feeling Good by David D. Burns is a book that was recommended to me when I sank into major depression 3 1/2 years ago. It helped me evaluate how I was feeling on a weekly basis and helped me work out some of the anxiety issues I was having that had led to the depressive episode.

This week, I have used one of those techniques to avoid digging too deep into despair. Using self-talk to a positive effect rather than a negative effect is something that I forget as anxiety builds, but reminding myself how good I feel when I take a positive view on life is needed during this time. So, my life isn’t perfect? Whose is?

***

I have also stepped up my exercise routine to start training for the Avon Walk. No more 40-minute walks, we’re talking 60+ minutes along with balance ball workouts at least every other day. I have been desiring something sweet, but I have been on a no-dessert kick since late February and had planned on waiting until my birthday weekend to indulge. I decided to pick up plums, blackberries, and blueberries the other night at the grocery store and have been enjoying a little fruit with some unsweetened soy milk the past couple evenings an hour or two before bedtime.

These two changes have made an impact on my blood sugar readings already after only three days. I was seeing fastings in the low 120′s almost consistently for several months and seeing 160-180′s 2 hours post-prandial for several weeks. Last night’s post-prandial following a meal with a side helping of pasta was 114 and this morning’s fasting was 110. I wonder how much those relatively higher blood sugars were influencing my negative mood.

***

I am feeling good. Nothing like kicking it up a notch or two…

A seven-year-old afraid of missing her bus acts out at the end of a school day.

A fifteen-year-old afraid of not being accepted by the other female students spends lunch period after lunch period hiding in a bathroom stall after quickly eating her small meals consisting of a few bites of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, milk, and a single Ho-Ho.

A twenty-year-old fails a college course in social work after refusing to complete an interview with a local social worker because dealing with authority figures is too frightening.

That girl and those young women were me. Are me.

Yes, I struggle with anxiety surrounding time constraints, personal relationships with other females, and professional relationships, for many reasons that I cannot share here. Sometimes, this anxiety has progressed into depression, particularly at two times of any given year – the beginning and ending of Daylight Savings Time (DST). My body always wants DST to start a couple weeks before it actually does and creates havoc with my mood as a result. Same goes for wanting DST to last a couple more weeks after it actually ends.

Yes, I am in that situation yet again this spring, feeling depressed. This is not the worst I have seen, but in the best years, I am able to keep that old familiar friend from entering the mind.

I have been treated on and off with therapy and/or medication for both the anxiety and depression since the first signs of anxiety in first grade, so I have the knowledge of what can help me. Putting it into use is another matter, but with some coaxing, I always find my way out of the funk. I will be okay before too long.