That little tuft of fur behind Kari-cat's left ear? Love. It has always been there.

Reading allows an escape from one’s own life to enter the lives of other people, whether based on fact or fiction.

Writing allows an explanation of one’s own life, allowing others to enter into that which may be told through essays, poetry, or autobiographical fiction.

These days, I prefer the escape into reading than the explanations writing demands. There is not much to say, at least not much to say that I want to say, that I can say.

Perhaps tomorrow, I will suddenly find a voice again. Or maybe next month. Or maybe not even until next year.

I am not worried (yet). Until it comes back, there is the possibility to escape through reading books.

1. Clean bill of health for the Perl kitty.
2. Putting a little effort into dressing up for work makes all the difference on the days when I struggle to get out of bed and out the door.
3. Dance party workouts.
4. A rare treat of blueberry pancakes with a touch of real maple syrup.
5. Another week, another used bookstore (and now so many books to choose from in my to-read pile).

I don’t believe in blackouts to protest the whole SOPA/PIPA mess. (Obviously, since I am writing this blog post this morning.) Ok, so I don’t even understand some of it, and frankly, I have more important things to worry about. From what I do understand, it would only try to bring down sites that are doing real harm (counterfeit prescription drug ordering sites and other scams come to mind). I’m not saying that perhaps the language could be a little more friendly and a little less damning, but I also see a purpose in consumer protection. Not to mention how often I find my blog content (both from here and from other places for which I have written) on foreign mirror sites without links back to the original pieces. I find it kind of funny that people who have complained about skimmed content are all up in arms about SOPA/PIPA. Again, I don’t claim to understand much of it.

Same goes for my plans to visit Chicago. In the middle of February. You would think the real cure for cabin fever would be going somewhere warm. I’ll save that for next winter.

Not much to say about Paula Deen’s disclosure of her type 2 diabetes. I wish she had come out about it sooner, to help others, not because she got some lucrative deal to promote a newer, expensive drug to treat the condition. Oh, and butter and other animal-based fats do not cause of type 2 diabetes, every much as sugar and like products are not, either. It is often genetics first, lifestyle factors second*. Anyways…

Let me gulp down this coffee and jump in the shower so I can get to work on time.

*EDIT due to a shower thought: Forgot about environmental factors like pollution and chemicals that may mutate genes, too. Probably should put that in front of lifestyle factors…

1. Game plan in place to deal with the recent surge in panic attacks.
2. Spending more time doing the things I love – photography, cooking, and keeping fit with exercise.
3. Brand new flannel sheets.
4. A personal New Year’s greeting from a friend sent through snail mail.
5. Finding a fantastic used bookstore in the most unlikeliest of strip malls.

Kari-cat looks at me adoringly...

...and Perl loves me.

A few days later, Kari-cat went for the "attack".

Perl could care less about anything when she's sleeping.

Cauliflower Purée (side dish for two)

• 1 head cauliflower, chopped into florets and boiled until slightly soft
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 3/4 cup almond milk
• 1/4 cup vegetable broth
• 2 tsp herbs de provence
• garlic salt, to taste

Place the first five ingredients in blender, use purée setting for 30 seconds (or until smooth).

Heat on medium in large pot for five minutes (or until warm).

Sprinkle with garlic salt, and serve hot.

Nothing to write about, or at least, not enough time to write about what I want to write about.

Received my portion of Neppie’s ashes yesterday. Still need to write a poem about her. For now, I shall keep them in a special spot until I figure out what kind of permanent tribute I want to make to her.

New supervisor at work, and she seems awesome so far. Still struggling with other stuff going on there, though hopefully that will see some kind of resolution soon.

So, yeah, panic attacks. I’m having them again. All triggers have been identified, though it freaks me out to think how varied the causes were. Not wanting to come back to Colorado my last night visiting family, stressing about a small airport’s security the next day, losing Neppie, the work stuff (enough to make me call in sick one day last week), and then the kicker.

I read this book, the majority of it on Saturday, where one of the main characters dealt with debilitating panic attacks as a result of PTSD. I couldn’t take my mind off it, especially given the recent panic issues, and on Sunday morning, had one of my worst attacks ever. (If you deal with panic attacks, do NOT read Marian Keyes’ The Brightest Star in the Sky.)

Down to one cup of coffee each day – I wish I could do without, but right now, as I am trying desperately to sleep without popping a pill, I still need a pick-me-up in the morning. The humidifier IS helping with sleep issues (white noise? less throat/nose dryness? I don’t know).

Since I woke, it started snowing. Only light snow, but it is also quite windy. This should be a fun morning commute. Going to try to catch the earlier bus that I sometimes take.

Oh…happy birthday to my dad!

1. Embracing the concept of busy Saturdays filled with chores and errands, then lazy Sundays filled with cat naps and comfort food.
2. Reading great poetry written through the ages.
3. Performing my own IT support at work, and at home.
4. Humidifier assisting with gaining more sleep in 2012 (and experiencing less insomnia).
5. Identifying all the triggers in recent rash of panic attacks.